Forget what was Tomorrow, Believe in yesterday
by ClaireLewis
Summary: The events from "Advent Children" go a little bit different. Cursed with everlasting chain of death and rebirth, mysterious woman named Sin, arrives to Gaia after dying from the hands of her best friend. The events force her to help Sephiroth's Remnants carry out the third Reunion. Prologue is the intro chapter, events start from chapter 1. Probably Kadaj X OC in later chapters.
1. Prologue

Prologue – Last One Standing.

A/N: Hey guys... please read this note. This is the intro chapter. I am introducing my OC and her fate here. You can continue to chapter 1. if you really want to, though it would be nice if you read the prologue, too. Please, leave a review so that I know if I should carry on with this story. Thank you, I'm not taking any more of your time. Read and enjoy!

My homeland has been destroyed, turned into one big wasteland. Only ash and sand, some ruins of once great land. Is that the „gift", we recieved from Them? Is that what we… I still cannot believe this. Why? My planet, my home, my motherland. Maybe, just maybe it didn't have to go this way. Maybe there was a way… to protect ourselves, to lear how to use this „gift" wisely. But no, instead all we got is a wasteland, a land that cannot live again. Consumed by incurable diseases, used by many to make new weapons of mass destruction, drained from all life force, once vibrant, beautiful, naturey, now distant and foreign, even for me.

I can hear the silent quick „beep beep beep" sound, getting a little faster and louder as i walk forward. Wait, could it be…

My body reacts faster than my mind, I fell on the ground as pieces of metal pierce the solid walls just near me. I could have ended up as a shattered piece of meat. Damn, these bombs still work? I guess I should be more careful then.

Bombs, shooting machines, landmines, they are everywhere. Yet still, I wander carelessly. 'Cause what else could I do. Maybe i am the last one of my kind, last remnant of the great war, who, somehow, survived, just to wake up in a world that wants to kill me, wherever I go. I am no longer part of this world, I can no longer call myself…

This thought is just too much.

I never belonged here. Or anywhere. No matter how many times I am born or reborn, I bring despair and end to the world that accepted me as one of its inhibitants.

I am… the true description of „a monster".

No.

I am a puppet in a monster's hands.

She is called by countless names, even I cannot remember all of them. But everytime I hear one them, I feel sick! It's her fault that I am sick, that I have to fight for extremely rare and dangerous drug, part of her „invasion" on the planets I arrive to. I risk my life for it, for her… cells probably. Or at lest somrthing that comes from her. Otherwise… I wouldn't have felt it. This… bizzare connection. She won't let go of me, I know that. So I fight, for every damn gram of this hellish drug. Living like a zombie, an addict that can barely move without this shit!

Do i hate myself for it? Yes, I do. I really do hate myself for not being able to resist, whenever she calls me.

I look around for… anything to eat or to survive. I know I won't find Eden – for this is what this drug is called in most of the worlds I arrive to – But at least I'll survive a day longer… or two?

I climb the walls of a building, once great. Now, a ruin like everything around. A temple, not cathedral, small church rather. But why the hell would someone build such solid walls around a small ruined church?! If these walls survived the war, that meant that somethng… precious was here. Wait, precious?!

I try to be careful, if this is a trap… then I am the greatest fool in history. I jump off thewall, landing softly on the ground. Nothing exploded under my feet, that's one step further.

With agility and gracious speed I move through the yard, not stepping on the stone path that leads to the church. And as I get to the Altar, I know that something must be wrong. There's an open… cupboard behind the altar, i know it has some special name but for me, it's just a cupboard. I don't have gods, I have drugs.

And there is my deity. My precious, precious pills. Eden.

„Oh boy… salvation!"

My hands reach out as if slow motion, lean forward to grab this little box of pills. Oh my sweetness! My life… I can finally have it, it's been so long… I know, I'm a freak, a mere addict. But for now, there's no…

…thing.

I can see soldiers, as i turn my head around. Tsk! I didn't close the church's door… not good, not good. They rush straight forward up the stone path and the mines explode under their feet. Just as I thought.

I fall down to the ground, just to see that the altar… is not just an altar. Under the cloth I can see some guns and ammo hidden, almost as waiting for someone to take them and use them. As soldiers approach me, they stumble on mines. How lucky I was…

Maybe I should be happy that i'm not the last one on this planet but on the other hand… the whole rest of my planet is against me.

Geez….

„There she is. Behind the altar! Open fire!"

The bullets miss me, some of them ricoshet from the walls, the front of the altar, the pillars. I try to shoot them and not get myself killed in the process. Though it really is hard. Even if I don't miss, there are too many of them. I have to find a way out. As I kill one of them, I try to sneak to the back of the building. And bingo, as I crawl, quite well protected by the building's structures, I find my way to the back door.

„Don't let her escape!"

One soldier tries to get me from the side. He's too close, I won't be able to shoot him. But if I stand up now, I will expose my back to the enemy. Damn it! I get on my legs and pull my rapier, Fallaire, out. The soldier steps back, surprised. And here I got him. As I puncture his lung with my blade, I can feel paralyzing pain in my knee…

They shot me!

I fall to the ground as, the soldier coughs up blood.

„One down!" I can't help but smile, tryumphally. The back door isn't locked so I earn some time. The soldiers will get here, sooner or later. I waste my precious time on grabbing the first aid kit and bandaging my knee. Of course, I lock these steel door now but it will be a matter of minutes before the soldiers force them. I have to get upstairs, then Il'll be able to reach the walls probably. If I'm lucky, I'll lose them. If not, I'm dead anyway.

I open the precious box to see several light green/blueish pills. Eden. I put one of them under my toungue and pray not to vomit. The taste is even more awful then anything in this world. It's horrible, I hate it. But I know it will help me.

Forcing myself up, I go into a small room. Looks like an old classroom a bit. From upstairs I can hear more troops running down. Shit! I'm screwed, I'm totally screwed. I ready my gun and open fire on them as soon as I see them.

Hide behind teacher's desk.

Reload.

Shoot.

Reload.

Shoot.

Until you run out of bullets.

Then run.

I run upstairs, limping. I know that the soldiers downstairs are close to break those doors down. My last hope is an open window. I put my gun om my back, so it won't fall off. I check if I have Fallaire with me, Eden pills… I'm ready to leave this place.

I jump off the window, It's the third floor I think. I catch one of the tree's branches to swing forward, then catch another branch, jump and…

I hit the wall hard. Blood streams down my face. I let out a cry of pain, but climb up the wall, look at my broken fingernails, scratched hands…. And slide off the wall on the other side. The bullets rain over my head, The soldiers can't reach me now.

And so, I go on… half-starved, with pills to live only, wanted by soldiers… It's just a matter of time before they reach me. And kill me.

My body regenerates quite well, Eden is working. Maybe soon I'll stop limping and will be able to fight again. As for now, I try to find some food, water, ammo. And I'll be perfectly fine. Right now all I can find is ammo, some water and I have to hunt and eat rats alive. But I will not die.

I'm gonna be the survivor.

Days pass as i wander, still i'm on the verge of starvation and i'm trying to save my pills for later. I'm really gonna need them. For times…

like this.

„Oh boy… really?"

About three dozens of soldiers are waiting to get me. In their place, here in a Square that once was the pride of a town. On the monument, from the windows, on the streets.

They're fucking everywhere!

I know, they can see the fear in my eyes. I look down.

And smile.

I unlock my shotgun.

And ready myself for the fight. Two handguns, a shotgun and my rapier. That's all I have. Hopefully, this will be enough.

As I enter this battle, I'm not myself anymore. I can feel, every bullet I let out, every bullet that hits me. And that misses me. I hide, I run, I fight them relentlessly, with everything I have.

Even if I die… I want to try to protect myself. I am not weak, right? Right?! I dance with the blade, soldiers dying one by one, no one can get close to me! I can see them, lying on the ground, in agony. The streets will flow with blood!

I hide behind the dried fountain, try to shoot them with my handguns. Anyone who leaves the house, will die from my hands. I know, I am wounded, they don't always miss.

Every target i aim, every bullet I let out, every cry of pain I allow to escape whenever I get hit once again, it is one. Everything is like one hazy dream. The lone warrior versus the army of shadows. They disappear like shadows as I kill them. Some of the troops hid in a house, seeing that their comrades are losing. I see one of them in the window. This is their end.

They may have some good hiding places, so I have to be careful. I am alone, to watch the rear and to go forth. I can do it. As I enter the house, I know where they're hiding. The fight begins. I am using everything that surrounds me to fight. Knives, a frypan, bottles. It is enough to take them out. They're not great, skilled warriors, like me. They don't know their potential.

I go upstairs, eliminating whatever enemy's left. Until there is one.

In the bedroom, i shot him earlier but didn't kill him, i think.

 _Oh my dearest, you're to blame_

 _For the blood, the fear and shame_

 _Sold your honor for the land_

 _For the castle made of sand_

This song…That hit me right in the childhood, and my memories. One of the soldiers was singing this, his voice high, he was dying… looking at the photo of his beloved. I wish, oh I wish I didn't have to shoot him in the head, just to make him stop singing. Wasted two bullets, that could save my life. But couldn't stand this song. I couldn't stand this, because he seemed so… human. He was the last one in this house. And maybe the last one except for me. I wish… I reallly wish things could go back to normal. No. That's impossible. I know… I know.

More of them are coming, I know. I search the bodies of my victims, looking for ammo. I Cannot waste anything more now. I have to fight… Survive.

I could hear the soldiers… More and more of them coming. I won't make this. Even the Eden pills won't help me right now. I'm left for death.

Yet still… I carry on.

I want to fight, even if all hope is gone. Even if it's all in vain. When ammo ends, I fight with my bandaged hands, feet in heavy duty boots. I am a weapon itself, for now.

More bullets hit me. I am in pain. The soldiers withdraw, and leave me. Alone.

And so… The end comes. I stumble on my feet, my vision blurred. I… I am dying. This thought alone is so horrifying I can't even breathe. I suffocate, struggling for the last moments of my life. There's one troop left. He approaches me, sorrow on his face is such, that I suffer even more. I know him.

I whisper his name, hoarsely, my lungs on fire, my eyes full of tears. Blood, escaping my body, weakening me.

„You showed me what it's like" he says „To be the last one standing"

He put his riffle to my temple, laying my head to its side, forcing me not to look at him.  
„And I am grateful." He says „But I have to do this. And you know it, too. Only one of us can be reborn"

More tears escape my eyes.

„So, my Poet, care to tell me your poem?" He asks.

„I did not write it. I just… discovered it." I answer.

„Whatever. Any last words?" he presses the riffle stronger „Or poem?"

He wants me to say it.

So I grant his will.

 _In this hour of the end,_

 _I shall leave you alone._

 _My blood will wash away_

 _With the rain to atone_

 _Oh, how this is sweet,_

 _This farewell I bid_

 _To you, my friend._

 _My memorial._

 _The legacy of memories_

 _Shines at the and of the hall_

 _Great Avarice,_

 _Your wildest dreams,_

 _Are not close to it at all_

 _And you, pride and honor,_

 _Go hide in the shadows!_

 _Compared to this depth,_

 _How can you be so shallow?_

 _For there, at the and of this hall_

 _Death himself sits on his throne_

 _With his sister dear, Sweet Agony_

 _Clad in in beauty's_

 _Finest of all robes._

 _Lead me now, my friend,_

 _Help me on the road_

 _Get me up on my feet_

 _Let me feel the surf's flow_

 _Whether I shall end up high above_

 _As a single, pure note_

 _In the Aethereal anthem_

 _Everslasting song_

 _Or as part of void, so silent_

 _Way down below_

And then… it was nothing. He heard his poem, I… died. Maybe he killed me, I don't know. But… I just felt nothing at all… I see the light, shining from high above. So it's really like that, huh? Its color… it is the same as the Eden pills. Coincidence?

I can see her, the monster. She is dancing in the empty… cathedral? Or something like that. She's beautiful. Oh, she's so beautiful. Her bare feet, stepping on the stones, rapier in her hand. Yes, Fallaire. She's holding it, smiling, dancing.

She is a real monster.

But even so, I am not afraid of this encounter. It happened multiple times, so I got to know her quite well.

She is swirling, like flowers carried by the wind. Fallaire shines in her hands, as she dances, I adore this view. I do. Because no matter how abminable she is, I am one with her. Now and forever. Bound by the hellish drug Eden, by fate. By my foolishness. And as I enter the cathedral, she stops in the middle of this stone floor, pressing Fallaire to her forhead, and so, she stands still as a sculpture.

„Please… just let me die already." I beg her in all my weakness.

„No."

It was the first answer I ever got from her.

„You are not ready yet."

And ad the floor crumbled underneath me, I fell into the darkness.

All I could see, was the light. It was underneath me.

Greenish-blueish, just like Eden pills.

And as I was falling, I knew. It was too much for me.

So I gave up.

And gave into the light.


	2. Chapter 1: Arrival

Chapter One – Arrival: the Dark Miracle in Space and Time.

A/N: Hey! Thanks for reading this fanfiction. I wanted to introduce the heroine Sin in the prologue but now I'm getting down to buisness. Yeah, this chapter will be rather short, sorry for that. I want to plan a great story for this fanfic has potential and I don't wanna screw it up. Please, leave a review. And next chapters will be a little longer. Thank you, and: enjoy!

„You're not ready yet"

That's what I was told. I wonder… if not now, then when? When will I be „ready". And, ready for what? I just…. Don't understand it at all. Why do I have to be re-born everytime, at the and of the world I arrive to? What am I then? The harbringer of destruction? Not the fate I cherish.

The light is calming, cradling me like a child. I wish it could end up this way, in eternal calm, without worries. Just… like that.

I wonder, what will the new world look like? What role I am supposed to play? What form will Eden take there? I hope I'll find a way to get my hands on it, or else…

She will reawaken, just to bring destruction. In search of Eden in my place. This thought frightens me. How am I supposed to end it?! Even if I kill myself, it won't do a thing. I'll be reborn and sent in search of the hellish drug once again. It's always been like that. Ever since I was born the first time.

My arrival will start something great, probably the end of the new world. Or maybe… something else? Maybe this time will be different?

Suddenly, everything changes, I can feel the pain ripping through my body. The colorful lights blind my eyes as I cry out in agony.

I'm too weak. I can't even survive the Arrival properly.

Then, for a second I thought I saw him. My killer, my friend.

„You don't have to say „Thank you"".

The explosion throws me on the ground, I can feel my lungs on fire, my ribs almost breaking. The waves of enegy cumulating in one place. I am sure I saw him, throwing himself down, just to… take destruction with him.

„Fuck you, Eckart!" I say under my nose. Geez… I'm torn up pretty bad because of this, as he would call it "Arrival in a great style". Bang, bang, look at me! I'm here to destroy the world… I hate this type of introductions, I'd rather arrive silently, hide in the shadows and kill from behind. Although you can't do this everytime, right?

In my hands I can see a beautiful box. Like a jewelry box or something. I open it silently… Oh boy… I've never had a bigger Eden starter then now! I can't help and take two pills at once. The awful taste fills my mouth once again as I curl up into a ball.

I'm fine…. Everything will be fine… right?

„Mother?" a male voice near me asks.

I open my eyes. Looks like I'm not alone here. I turn my head to see two dying men, Their hair is beautiful, silver, their eyes are not human… They look like cat's eyes a bit.

„So beautiful" I whisper to myself. It's been a long time since I've seen something as beautiful as these men.

One of them closes his eyes with a painful whimper. Right… they survived the explosion just as I did. I bite my lip and rip it with my teeth, just to feel metallic taste of my own eden-infused blood.

I don't know what should I do… these men, these beautiful creatures are dying in front of me. And I just kneel beside them like a fool.

All my lives, Eden was what I cherished the most, it was my precious am mine alone. But this time I have to change this. I have a handful of Eden and two almost dead men. There's only one thing that seems to be… right.

I take one Eden pill carefully and gently put it under the man's tounge. Then I do the same with the other one.

And what now!? The need help, medical attention You can't just leave them like that, Sin!

I guess I just became an altruist. Eden gives me strength for now… Maybe I can do something. I feel the powerful urge to help them.

I put my precious box in the sack I have on my waist, then I take the thinner of the two men on my shoulder, supporting him with my hand so he won't fall off. There's one more… I guess I can carry him under my arm. Not the safest way to get them somewhere but… I can't leave them. And as i see, I'm on a destroyed road, so getting up here would take me just too long. Since they've been fed Eden, they have some time… or should have at least.

I carry them slowly, as two crazy motorcyclists jump over my head.

„You lost your minds!?" I yell. Can't they see that i'm trying to take care of the wounded?! Nevermind, I fell down anyway. The blonde motorcyclist stopped for a while but I don't think he noticed me. Then I saw him ripping his sleeve off, just to show his arm to the world. It was… rotting! Oh my…

I arrived to a dying world. Probably, at the end of its days…. Poor planet.

I hurried to find the two men and carried them once again. I arrived to the slums, I think. Good place for me, I've always loved the slums!

Eden is powerful but not omnipotent. I have to hurry if I want to save them. So I follow the motorcycle tracks, just because I have nothing better to follow. I am not searching for two crazy motorcycle guys, just for a shelter… or medical attention. Or both.

I can see a house and open door. A little girl is sitting in front of this door and crying.

„Why did you… Why did you have to take him away?!"

She is grieving.

„Hey, you! Redhead!" I call out to her. „My… um… brothers are in very bad shape, as you see" I approach her, carefully. „I don't ask for much, maybe a bed or couch where I could put them so they will rest up a bit" I was never good in speaking to strangers.

„Um… I think daddy won't be mad. He always loved guests…"

So, she's an orphan probably. Poor little thing.

„Good."

She helped me to the bedroom where I could put the two men to rest. They were beautiful… Oh, so beautiful…. I ran my hand through the hair of one of them.

„Thank you… um, what's your name?"

„Katy. And… I know your brothers!" she says in disbelief „They were in town not long ago! The said the will cure the children of Geostigma but… I was late. And I couldn't save Jerome. He was the only one to take care of me after Daddy died…"

„Geostigma?" I ask, she looks at me as if I escaped mental hospital. „Oh, sorry. I… come from quite far away. I am new around here, so that's why I ask. You know… I travelled for days to see my brothers, so I don't know how things are going around here…"

Her eyes were round now as she looked at me.

„Where do you come from there? I mean… Geostigma is the plague that touched the whole planet. It started two years ago…"

„I see… I lived in the middle of nowhere for a long time. I was… a researcher! And maybe that's why some things are new for me. You see… to finish my research I was locked up in a sterile room for like… three or four years." I'm good at lying. I can sound convincing. And children… they believe in everything.

„Whoa… what was your research about?"

Damn you, kid!

„Eden. It's a very rare medicine that helps me and my brothers." That's the best thing i can come up with.

„It can cure Geostigma?"

„I don't know. Maybe…" I say, than look at the couch-bed, where someone lies. Covered with white cloth „It is powerful… but not omnipotent. It cannot bring the dead back to life. I'm sorry." I look at Katy.

And the I see how weak is my heart. She makes this "Sad puppy face" and looks at me. Geez, I won't give in just because some kid begs me to. I mean… No. Just. No. Okay, I give in. This world will really make me run out of Eden in no time. And maybe, by the way, I'll manage to run out of my sanity, too.

„We may try…." I say, as I take the jewelry box out and open it.

„Are they made of Lifestream?" Katy asks. „If the lifestream caused Geostigma and the pills are the medicine that help your brothers… It makes sense! The must've found more Eden so that the can cure Geostigma!"

„Whoa… I've never seen more enthusiasm in one place! Chill…" I let her take one pill and tell her how to give it to the sick one. „We still don't know if it will help."

„It has to… right?"

I shake my head „I have no idea, Katy. Now, take care of my brothers, I have to find more Eden. But don't worry. I'll be here before the twilight!"

I said and ran off to the streets.

Black clouds covered the sky.


	3. Chapter 2: The Message

Chapter two – The Message

A/N: Hey there, I hope you like my fanfic. I'm not developing the action too much, I know. I managed to write something, so I hope you like it. I really liked the plot about Jenova draining life from planets and using them to sail through the universe, so I thought it's good to mention it in this chapter. Enjoy!

Sometimes, when I am born anew in yet another of the worlds I ask myself a question. How the hell am I supposed to find Eden?! Well, the answer is easy, I just… feel it. Whenever I arrive to a new world, I know the language i'm supposed to speak, i know my destiny, I can just… feel what I'm supposed to do. I yhink that The Monster knows about the worlds she sends me to, se quietly tells me what to do. I like to think that this is the truth, that she is rather my guardian, giuding light, rather than… to think that I am her vessel or her puppet. And Even though I like to believe that Eden really is giving me independence from The Monster, I don't know what is the truth exactly. I seek it, like I seek the drug. I feel like seeking, the truth, my hellish drug, in fact if I had the choice, i culd be seeking anything. It's just… natural. I wonder… how will I find Eden here. Through almos all my journeys, I've encountered many ways of getting it. Sometimes it is Eden-infected spring I have to drink water from, sometimes my instincts lead me to a drug dealer, sometimes to a cave full of crystallized Eden or covered in something like Eden-moss. There are many ways of getting my hands on it, it doesn't even matter what form it takes. Iwhat matters is how long it will take me to get to it and how fast will my supply end. I just have to get my hands on the drug and use it wisely, so that I can surive. And when I run out of my precious… then The Monster puts me to death, just to let me be born anew. And so the story carries on, I struggle, I risk my life for Eden… and when I finally reach it, the timer is set. As long as I have the drug, I will live. This is my destiny and i cannot fight it any longer. I have to give in, do what she wants. But this is no guidance, just manipulating and control.

„What form will you take now, my precious?"

I run through the streets, just to run. I want to get to know this teritory, excercise, and to waste some time. Maybe it it why, I have too much time now, I would be bored taking care of the two wounded people and an Orphan. So I have to go, run as fast as I can, just to have some pleasure other than drugs. I cannot give completely in, I have to be myself, just for a while. Even if these moments are short, I don't wanna miss them. I want to stay myself for as long as I can, that will make me feel… satisfied. I think. While running, I pass an old church. Could it be…? No, not in this church. There's no Eden there, I'm sure. Almost sure… there truly is something tempting in this building, though. Oh boy, why are churches always like that… they seem to be calling to people to visit them, though I'm not a believer, I do love churches. Like i Llove the slums. And now i run into a church in the slums! It looks nice… promising. Although, I don't really believe in promises. And i'm still a little bit afraid of what I may run into. It is not that i fear the church itself but… I don't really want to go into a trap. Even if i haven't done much in this world, It's still the same. It is as always, some memories from my previous life, lives, are still alive. But I'll forget eventually, there's nothing to worry about.

I venture further into the slums, trying to feel… anything at all. Even a hint of something… not normal.

„I still have quite a lot of Eden. I should not worry, for now". Yes, but if those beautiful men become addicted to it, because of me, there will be quite a lot to worry about. I know the pain of Eden addiction, I've been carrying it for ages now… and I wouldn't like to drag anyone into this. This is my burden and mine alone. I won't let anyone but me carry it, if I were to see anyone like me, I'd rather not burst into tears of joy but of pain and anger. For Eden is my responsibility, now and ever.

The world I arrived to is already dying, although people truly are leading as peaceful lives as the can. Not bothering anyone, living like shadows. Shadowland. That name would fit well. I like it. Like i like the slums.

I try to get higher, usually the higher I am, the more I can sense, I can locate Eden more easily. Although on my way I stumble upon something I can classificate as „odd" or „weird". „Bizzare". A black box with a warning tape saying „SEAL". What can it be? Interesting… Above me, I can hear the sounds of a… fight? I look up to the stormy sky. I guess… yeah, someone's fighting. Now, basic questions: am I in danger? I think that I'm not. Should it bother me? No, if someone wants to fight, it's their problem. Not all the intelligent creatures want or know diplomacy and negotiations. My problem is solved.

I kneel down and open the box carefully, just to see terrifying view.

There's a… head of a beautiful creature. Looks feminine to me, she has the same hair shade as those men. Her face looks horrible, her skin is grey with a little shade of blue, her cheek bones seem to be almost piercing the skin of her face. Also, there is a gunshot wound going through a part of her neck. Something green is still flowing, more like seeping out of the wound, slowly. Her blood probably. Poor little thing. I don't know but.. I felt its prescence, it was… calling out to me. Maybe… I could use her somehow. To find Eden! That must me it… that's the only thing that makes sense. This creature… I can't help but to gently put my hand on her cheek. She looks so young…

 _De… stroy… it!_

„W-what!?"

I can hear the Monster's voice at the back of my head.

 _De… stroy… it!_

The head opened her single red eye, its shine blinded me for a while. Then… a wave of memories came flooding into my head, scenes flashing before my eyes. Like a dream… although I was wide awake.

„ _Proffesor? Proffesor!" I can hear a child's voice… No. It's… mine! That's my voice. I can see a laboratory now, it's very modern, for many civilizations, futuristic. Although some technologies there are really old-fashioned. My hand reaches out to the shadow that disappears, fades into the light beyond the door, the glass stops my hand._

„ _Proffesor!" I shriek as water… or at least some kind of fluid fills the glass tube._

 _Then is nothing. True void, nothingness… and suddenly, a choir of voices._

OUR CREATION.

RESEARCH.

ANNIHILATE.

 _I can see a body, it's like made of glass or crystal. Its veins… are cracks in fact. And when it breaks…_

 _The scene changes._

 _I can see the fire, mountains falling apart, one by one to the abyss, flames consuming them. Great rock isles float on whatever's left of the planet. It falls apart… or rather collapses into itself. Implosion._

„ _It is because of your foolishness, Eckart" I can hear a voice… it is well known to me._

 _I can see her, the Monster. Before she became what I call her._

 _Her body, wounded, wounds infected. She cradles me like a child._

„ _You are my greatest sin… my dishonor"_

 _That's what she tells me, before falling into the abyss._

 _Above her shoulder I can see the real monster._

 _With the same head as in the box._

I snap out of this vision, shivering, I feel like I'm dying inside. What the hell… this vision was just… could it be… my first life? I have troubles with breathing, also, the Monster won't shut up, telling me to destroy the head… I take out an Eden pill and take it to break free. She will be quiet if I stay influenced by Eden.

The sky starts to brighten and the rain falls. I found myself hanging from one of the buildings… How the hell did I even get here int he first place!? Oh boy… guess The Monster is the only one who knows what She, The Monster is up to. I guess I tried to fight her unconciously in my „dream", because the head is not destroyed. I can still feel it. Good sign, as for me. I still have my own will. I try to get to one of the corners of this flat, it just…. Seems more resonable to me. And as I get close, I can hear somebody's voice.

„B-brother…"

A moment of silence. Then another voice, stronger and deeper one.

„Oh…" silence, just for a while „Rest in peace, Kadaj"

More death. I think this world is a very sad one, illness, death, grief…they are all here. And I have the medicine… maybe it doesn't cure everything but is a real lifesaver. I can hear some steps, and then crawl up. The motorcyclist blonde swordsman leaves his 'brother' behind, and goes somwhere else. I think he's praying. To the rain, and a few rays of sun, he is calling out silent words.

I silently go up, trying not to bother him. I take one Eden pill I hid in my jacket's pocket and put it under Kadaj's tounge. Maybe Eden doesn't revive the dead but if applied quick enough, it surely can do something.

The swordsman seems to notice that so I act like a fool, as always. Before he turns around, slowly, I'm already hanging from the edge of this tall building.

„Hm… so, Kadaj, the Lifestream and your beloved mother rejected you, huh? Poor little thing, you were nothing but a pawn in Sephiroth's game"

„ _Get down"_ the Monster says „ _The swordsman will show you the way"_

Why is she speaking… I already took three pills today! That should be way more than enough to shut her up.

But I am obedient. As he turns around to find a risky way down, I get to Kadaj, put him over my shoulders, as I was thought in military during one of my lives, and try to follow the swordsman. Of course, having a wounded man and a head of a-very-important-creature doesn't help me but after a few hours of careful climbing and praying not to accidentaly destroy the head or drop Kadaj letting him fall down and smash to the ground, I could finally step on sweet ground.

„Mother?" I can hear Kadaj's voice.

„Oh… You awake? Don't worry, Kadaj. I'm taking you to your brothers." I say as I walk down the streets. He is weak, very weak… but Eden helped him. There's still hope.

As I approach the house, Kathy runs towards me.

She is in tears.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

„Kathy!" I run to her, still holding Kadaj. „Kathy, what happened? Why are you crying?" Did one of the Silver Haired men die? Or what? I have to know…

She just leads me to the house as if she was ignoring Kadaj. I am worried, what's gonna happen now? How will all of this end?

„My… my doll is broken" Kathy says, showing me a porcelain figure in pieces. Not to small to be unfixable, luckily.

„Oh dear… You scared the hell out of me, kid! I thought that something happened to… my brothers. Or…"

„Jerome is dead. Your pills didn't help him. But… I guess you were right, Miss Researcher. You know what your pills can do the best. Jerome is now with Mommy and Daddy, in the Lifestream. I'm sure he is happy, and watching over me."

She is such a clever child… I can't help but smile. I used to hate children, for they were stupid, naive, they didn't know many things and could cry for no reason at all, but Kathy? She was adorable, clever, seemed spiritual to me, too. Even though she was a child, and had to behave like a child sometimes. It was… natural.

„Listen… I have to put Kadaj somewhere…"

„On the couch. Jerome… is not here anymore, so your brother will be able to rest on the couch."

I nod slightly, laying him to rest. Then take his shirt off to see the wound. Even with the dose of Eden he received, he is weak. He's lost lots of blood and it may take awhile before he recovers. Even with Eden's help. The wound should be mortal, yet still… he is here, alive. I can feel his weak, tiny pulse as I hold my hand on his neck.

„Please… get well soon…" I whisper.

He doesn't answer, of course he wouldn't answer, I'm just a stranger who helped him out, why the hell would he want to talk to me, even if he had enough strength to… I'm just one of the figures he is passing by in his life, it could be anyone, anyone could… wait, how did I even get to that rooftop? I couldn't recall, as well as getting down to the ground. I did it but…. How? It just escaped my mind. Could it be that… the Monster helped us? Or should I call her by her name right now? No. Names mean that you mean something. They are a sign of you being… you. They describe you in some way. Maybe… just maybe, that's why I'm so worried about Kadaj? I know his name, he means something. He is someone worth remembering.

I walk through the living room and I put the box with the head on the windowsill, opening it once again. The creature looks like she was asleep, She is… so similar to the Three Silvered Haired Men. What if… she is the „mother" they were calling out to? Yeah… that would make sense. Of course…

I put my hand to my forehead, already feeling the fever. It's been a long day, and it's still not over yet. After a moment of thought I close the box and put it on the table, just to make sure it is safe… This creature, she was _calling_ out to me. Just like Eden… is she the reason I… am doomed like that, not knowing rest or anything? Why was The Monster telling me to destroy her?

I have no freaking idea.

I walk to the kitchen, trying to cook something for the supper. Kathy must be hungry, if she is an orphan, now with nobody to help her… I am left to take care of her, and of the three brothers. I start singing an old song, in a language forgotten by many. When I try to recall how I learned this song, I don't know. It just… was in my head when I arrived here.

„Mom..?" I hear Kadaj's voice. He's talking in his sleep and… to be honest, I find this adorable.

I go back to cooking, although there's not much to „play" with, I try to make it as good as I can. I can imagine Kathy smiling and complimenting my food; I want to… take care of her. For the first time I'm not the warrior that struggles to get her hands on a drug but… I'm myself. But for how long? How long will it take for me to change? To leave this world? It feels me with… sorrow. I can feel it, the pain, the fear of leaving loved ones… wait. What loved ones!? I'm not even here for a single day and I… and I…

Try to have a family.

Not good. Will they… accept me like that? Can I be a good caretaker and satisfy the monster at the same time?

„Are you crying?" Kathy asks.

„No." I answer, as I notice a single tear falling down my cheek. I wipe my face. „It's just… the onion."

Kathy looks at me, her expression unsure. As if she knew, that I am lying. As if…

„Anyway, could you read me something before I go to bed?"

I turn around „Huh? Won't you eat the supper?"

„Hmm… I know! You'll bring it to my bed!" She exclaimed happily.

I sigh but don't complain. She is just a kid after all…

There was even no onion in the kitchen, not to mention… I don't know if they even grow here. Nevertheless, I prepared some food and I think it won't taste bad. At least, Kathy should like it.

„Knock, knock!" I say, entering the room. „Here's a supper for a real princess, straight to her bed!"

I smile as Kathy laughs. I can take care of her, be good. At least once.

„So, what would you like me to read to you?"

„I don't think I know. Your pick!"

I get up and take a random book. It's in a beautiful white cover, the story starts with a poem.

 _When the war of the beasts brings about the world's end_

 _The goddess descends from the sky_

 _Wings of light and dark spread afar_

 _She guides us to bliss, her gift everlasting_

 _Infinite in mystery is the gift of the Goddess_

Then, before I can even read the lines, a deep male voice completes the verses; I only stare at the lines. He knows this poem by heart.

 _We seek it thus, and take to the sky_

 _Ripples form on the water's surface_

 _The wandering soul knows no rest._

I look at him, his hair is long and face looks gentle. His appearance alone is alluring, charming. I can't help but stare for a while, without thinking I put the poem on the night table and approach him.

„Hey… I'm so glad you're awake… um…"

„Yazoo." He says, quietly. „This poem… Loveless, right?"

„Yeah… I think."

„He knew it… so they were right… we're nothing but… but…" His eyes stared to well up in tears as he looks down, clenching the blanket with his long fingers.

„Hey… Yazoo, don't cry! Oh boy… here" I wipe his tears off his cheeks, just to receive a surprised glance. „Easy now… you're safe."

„The last thing I remember… those bastards, the Turks! And the bomb… I tried to kill Older Brother, he… he betrayed us… then it… it turned out like it was suicidal attack but… I'm alive." He put his hand to his heart, probably to hear his heart beating. I know, I know how it's like… „I'm alive…"

„Yes. And the two of your brothers, too. Kadaj and…" I pointed to the unconscious one on the bed by the window.

„Loz. And, um… were you the one, who…?"

„Saved you? Yeah, I guess. Although the bomb almost killed me as well. And, You and Loz are both quite heavy by the way" I smirk, then reach out with my hand to ruffle his hair. He shies away, making me feel uncomfortable.

„But… what about the Reunion?" he asks „What about Mother…? She… she could fix everything!"

The images from my first life mix with the pictures of the head… Mother? She looks so similar… Could she really be…? No. Then if the Monster told me to destroy this head…? I should have killed them. No matter how beautiful they were, they were my natural enemies. I cannot take care of them…

„Miss Researcher? Are… are you alright?" Kathy asks, holding my hand.

„Yes… and, just call me Sin. No 'Miss' needed." I say in a calm tone. „And, about… your mother, Yazoo…" I start, though when he looks at me, I hesitate „Please, don't worry. Things will work themselves out, somehow. I promise."

I can see the sorrow in his eyes. I know I hurt him but.. that's how the things should go. We are enemies, we are meant to fight and try to kill each other… Yet he's so beautiful… Precious little thing.

„Now, you should eat something" I hand the plate with supper to him. I'm not hungry anyway, so there's no loss really „I'll go check on Kadaj and will be right back" I say as I get up and leave the room. At first I go to the bathroom and wash my face with cold water. Oh boy… It really is hard to manage. So, summing up, I'm alive for less than one day here in this world, and I already created a bond with my natural enemies and became a babysitter for a redhead orphan. Or maybe… that would make even four orphans to take care of? And it's only been one day.

I head towards the living room and check on Kadaj. The wound is still there, although Eden is working nicely... All I can do for him now is to bandage the wound and hope that he'll be alright.

„Who are you!?" he tries to take defense, maybe still not fully conscious, or just.. afraid of the stranger's touch.

„Don't move. You'll re-open the wound and you've already lost lots of blood, Kadaj. Wait for me, I'll bring you supper, okay?"

He looks surprised but can do nothing about it. I saved his life and I'm gonna take care of him.

„You should rest up now, Kadaj… here, eat something. You'll feel better."

He glances at me, suspicious. He doesn't trust me.

„And… what about Mother? What about the Reunion? Did it… fail!?"

„You don't have to worry. I'm here to help you and your brothers, Yazoo and Loz. So… please, try to trust me, at least for a while. Until you get better, okay?"

I don't get an answer from him, so the safest thing to do would be leaving him all alone in this living room. If anything happens, I'll be able to react. I don't have to worry, right? They seem so nice, I want them to be my friends.

As I enter the room I can see Kathy, already asleep and, Yazoo, covering her with a blanket.

„Aww, adorable!" I say, entering the room. „Yazoo, are you feeling alright? I mean…"

„Yes" he cuts in the middle of the sentence „I don't know what you did but… I'm fine, really. And… the supper was good, too."

I smile, now sitting next to him on his bed. I like him. Kathy is fast asleep but I keep talking to Yazoo, until he falls asleep as well. We talked about poetry and bout his dream. About 'Sephiroth', whoever he is, Yazoo claimed that his dream was indeed Sephiroth's memory, a moment taken out of his life. Well, whatever. All I cared about is to put them to sleep, and get some rest myself. All three beds and a couch were already taken, so all I could do, was to head to the living room, and… I don't know, I'll probably get some sleep on the rocking chair. By the way I go check on Kadaj, he's asleep, too. Good. I sit on the rocking chair, already half-conscious, I drift away to the land of dreams.

I find myself drifting, floating in some kind of… a lake? Although all I can rely on is the movement of the water… or whatever this is. I am paralyzed, I can't even breathe on my own. In my mouth, I can feel Eden's taste. Over me, the light shines, it's the same colour as the Eden pills. It's beautiful. I like the peace, the silence of this place, though there is something that scares me. I just know that the peace won't last long. If I were to be honest, I'd say I could _feel_ my body dissolving into this water… or something else. But I can't even turn my head to see. From above I can see the great light, as if someone lit up the sky, it burns with fiery colours.

I can see the creature, she has the same head as the one that I found in the black box. She reaches out to me, a smile on her face… maternal smile? No… it wouldn't… or maybe? I have no idea. Whoever she is or whatever she is, she's coming closer. Extending her arms to lift my chin…

Then, the Monster appears, her cry, tearing up the sky, her claws appearing behind my back reach forth to scratch the creature's face. I can hear the cry of the creature's children. They blame me. Not the Monster who.. tries to 'protect' me, as if she never existed. As if I was the one to… hurt her, cut her head off with the Monster's claws in the end.

I think I'm awake, the first thing I see is the open box with no head inside, lying on my lap.


	5. Chapter 4: Seeking the truth (1)

Forget what was tomorrow Believe in yesterday chapter 4

Disclaimer: All the characters from FFVII belong to Square Enix.

Sin, The Monster, Eckart, and their history are my property

About reviews, wow thank you sooo much! Guys you are awesome~

So…

Katharsis137: I hope I don't ruin this, too

Shell: I'm sooo glad you like it… I was afraid no one would read it, truly. And, Yes, the new chapter is here!

AssassinLightnin: Whoa… this review was AMAZING! Oh boy… Didn't expect THAT! Thank you for showing me my mistakes and I am glad you like the story with Jenova destroying Sin's planet and stuff… i am kinda proud of it, too. And I love making cliffhangers, so be ready for the next one. Maybe in this chapter, maybe in next….

All right, guys, READ ON!

Eden gives you independence, washes you clear as the rain. You are the plant that blossoms in Eden's light, bathing in the surf, nurturing flow that gives you life. But once you try to run, fly away, break free at last, your yearning will lead you to the end, agony, painful destruction. Ever since I was born for the first time, many times I wanted to escape. Many people thought they can rid me of Eden and give me freedom. No. Freedom is not something you take for granted, you fight, you pay your price for it. You were never free if you never fought. With these thoughts I wander, explore and drain countless worlds, bringing pain and destruction.

I'm sorry.

I snap out of my nightmare, my clothes cling to my sweatened body, I feel so weak and tired…. The last thing I remembered was the empty box….

I stand up rapidly, my eyes widen at the thought that something happened… how did the head leave the box? Why did i even take it in the first place…. Memories of yesterday flash in my mind, as someone's voice drags me out of the worries.  
„Watch out for Mother!"

I turn around. It's Kadaj… he's holding the box in his hands, carefully, he just caught it, I think. I try to recall, what just happened. What REALLY happened. Must've fallen asleep with the box on my knees…

„I'm sorry, Kadaj… didn't mean to do anything… wrong." I say.

He just gives me a dark glance, taking the box away from me, and now I'm sure that the creature trapped inside really is calling out to me. The empty box, it was just a dream… just a bad dream… She's still there. She's not giving up on me. Damn it, that may bring troubles, if we really are natural enemies, I am going the wrong wrong way.

I stagger on my feet, my vision slightly blurred. First symptoms of lack of Eden. It should be one pill for about three days not three pills a day… I sigh without saying a word. It will be hard to take care of four orphans now but I hope it will pay off someday. Maybe. Geez, I don't even know how their bodies react to Eden, If I have three addicts and a kid to babysit, and I don't find any Eden sources, I might kill myself right away as well. I hesitate… to drug or not to drug, that is the question! Or was it something other? My memories are so messed up I don't even know if I am quoting someone or saying my own words and thoughts.

I try to hang in here without Eden, if the physical pain becomes unbearable, I may take a pill or two. I am fine, as for now. At least, that's what I wanna believe, for now. Until I get to know this world better, then history will repeat, as always… I don't wanna think about it! Deep within my soul I still hope I'll run away from this, I'll settle down and… live! Like a normal person, die like a normal person. Without being reborn, at least not as a puppet that remembers every dark detail from her previous lives.

I walk into the bathroom, my thought soaring somewhere far away, I'm not even able to concentrate on the events…

„Whaa? Could you knock at least!?" a surprised voice snaps me out of my thoughts. I blink a few times, and take a step back, realizing, what just happened.

„Oh, Yazoo…" I step back, seeing him half naked, just with a towel wrapped around his waist, his long silver hair wet, droplets of water still clinging to his pale skin, cat eyes, staring at me, widened.

„I'm so sorry…" I say, probably blushing slightly. Why? I've seen, plenty of men…. Women, all the strange creatures I had to deal with during my fight for Eden. Then why am I reacting like this? Just to think of them is… no. We. Are. Enemies. I think, I try to persuade myself but then…. Oh damn, He then smiles so calmly, warmly, nicely… giving me a sign that everything's alright. Yes, Sin. It's fine.. you're fine…

„It's not a problem." Yazoo says „You saved us, after all, right?"

I saved them. I was a tool of salvation, not a tool of destruction. For once… I close my eyes, small smile crawling onto my lips.

„Yeah…" I laugh silently „ Well, I'll go check on your brothers now and I'll cook something for lunch, since it's a little late for breakfast…" I decide.

„Sure." I hear as an answer.

I walk out of the bathroom, already feeling that I need Eden and fast. No, I'll get over it, I'll do anything to be myself as long as I can, without Eden…. I can do it, step by step, i'll need it less. I won't get rid of it but…

The orphans need me. And I will need them. So I have to live…

I see Kadaj, he is rocking back and forth on the couch, hugging the box close to his chest. I don't know if the head really is inside, I think the thing isn't calling out to me anymore… was it even calling me at all? Maybe I was just high after taking so much Eden…. Yeah, that makes sense. In the end, I am a mere drug addict. Don't forget 'bout this fact, for it may lead to not-so-happy concequences.

I made breakfast, or lunch, whatever you call it, then left some of it on the table. Something made me want to go there, hug him, tell him that everything's gonna be alright. But it would be a lie, their mother was beheaded, they were alone in this world. As I can see, they even offered help to the citizens. Oh, right, I am the evildoer who drugs herself. And now everything's clear…

I go to Kathy's room, just to find her playing with a princess figurine and… Loz who plays with a Knight figuine with the girl. So cute and caring… I wish, I really wish I could be someone like them, so good… so peaceful…

„Lunch… or if you prefer, breakfast's ready" I say. They go to the kitchen/dining room. I glance at Kadaj, and soon I am sitting facing him and shove him some food down the table.

„You've gotta eat something, Kadaj…" I say.

He looks up at me, still cradling the box. I feel bad for him, he's just a helpless orphan, left alone in this world, with his brothers who don't really seem to care about him for now.

„Really. It'll make you feel better"

I gave him one more Eden pill in this meal, if he eats it, it'll help him. I take a quick glance at his stomach, blood is still seeping through the wounds. He is pale from the blood loss. If he doesn't recieve another dose of Eden, he'll die. And it's a matter of hours now.

„Please?"

He is still unsure. But I am glad to see him finally eating something. He'll get better, it will be alright. I want him to live…

Soon I find myself sitting next to him, embracing him, as he stares at the empty plate. I want to be close to him… To any of the triplets, I… I just feel it…

„Thanks" he says, his voice coarse.

I hug him in a friendly way, until he lifts the corner of his lips up a bit. I tell him that it's alright… but that worsens the situation.

„Jenova…" he says, holding the box „she is… was my Mother… They…. They took her away from us, even… even if she chose Sephiroth over the three of us"

„Sephiroth?" I ask. „ Yazoo mentioned his name… he is this… Older Brother?"

Kadaj glanced at me „If you mean the Older Brother that betrayed us, no. That's not Sephiroth. Sephiroth is Jenova's Firstborn"

„Oh" that's all I can say, yeah, just 'Oh'. I don't know what to say, yet words flow „So even if she had five children, she never treated any of you like… mother would treat her sons?"

„We… we didn't even get a chance to know her" Kadaj says in such a sad voice I can feel his pain „She… she just chose Sephiroth over us, and… and when we finally thought we got a chance to see her…" he lifted up the box a bit.

„I…. I don't know what to say. Oh, Kadaj…" I start swaying him in my arms, as he hides his face in my arm. I stroke his back, his hair, memorize his unique scent.

„You'll be okay, Kadaj… I'll take care of you, And Yazoo and Loz, too. You are not alone…"

He calms down, just to harshly push me away after a while. I hit the ground hard and look at him surprised. What the hell's wrong with him!?

„T-That's nice of you, but… I-I don't need your pity!" he stands up, cheeks tainted with blush. Well then…

I stand up and take another glance at him. It _will_ be okay, Sin. Just give him time, yeah, give him time…

I take his empty plate to the kitchen, Yazoo, Loz and Kathy already finished their meal. I think they liked it.

„Okay" I say „I'll do the washing up"

I don't mind helping here, it feels actually good to be useful. I don't want my history to repeat, just to settle down and be finally free. If that could happen, it would be okay. I wonder, what may happen here, it's been just two days… As I wash the dishes, I forget about my worries, drift away with my thoughts, I'd like to say I dream, i dream about happiness, about freedom. Maybe it's not the time… but I want to know when it'll come. To be ready to fight, pay the price. Be finally free.

I want freedom, the very thought of it lifts my spirit up, makes me feel good, almost as if I was free already.

After the cleaning up, I go to Kathy's room, I can see she's playing with Loz. He must be a caring brother, to stand kids… I couln't do this. Take care, give food, sure, but playing with toys and stuff, not for me. I can see Loz shivering, his skin dried… I'll have to give him Eden in a few hours probably.

„Kathy… I'll be going for a walk, will you go with me. I also have to do the shopping, so your help would be appreciated. And you, Loz, rest up. You don't look really well. I'm sure some sleep will fix it though"

He nods and puts the toys away, then crawling under the bed sheets.

„Hey, your clothes are dirty!" Kathy says… „I know! Follow me, I'll give you nicer ones!"

She leads me to one room, and points at the wardrobe. I go there, to see what clothes are there Nice ones, most of them in pastel colors. Not my style, I'd rather look like a survivor, like someone… not nice and sweet.

Kathy picks one dress for me

„You'd look great in this one!"

I am not so sure about it. Yet she decides to 'force' me to wear it. I change in the bathroom and then Kathy wants to brush and comb my hair. I agree, during the „grooming time" Yazoo notices us.

„How nice…" he says teasingly, crossing his arms and tliting his head.

„Shut up"

Kathy finishes the braid she was making and makes sure it will be all right with her wristband, now, a ribbon in my hair.

„We'll be going…" I say.

As I take Kathy's hand. I announce that we're going out for a moment, I need to free myself of this Jenova thing's influence. For as I go out, I stop feeling it. So maybe yesterday it was not just the drug high. Kathy is walking by my side, so happy and carefree. As the child she is. I decide to take her to the church in the slums.

„Why are you taking me here?" she asks

„I thought it would be good to have some rest, and besides… I've always loved churches. They fill me with peace"

Kathy hesitated ant took a step back. I turned around and then bent down to face her. I was curious, what made her hesitate. I wanted to help her, calm her down, for this is what I came to the church for.

„No one ever showed me how to pray…" She says, as if she was ashamed of that.

„Hey… I wasn't thought how to pray, as well. You don't have to pray in the church if you don't want to. You can just enjoy the silence, the peace. It is time for you to be alone with me, and your thoughts. Even if you don't want to, or don't know how to pray, it's allright. So, shall we go there? We may visit another parts of town, later"

Kathy then answers, that she always wanted how to pray yet no one ever showed her how to. So I say the dumbest thing I can come up with. That we'll figure out her prayer together. A monster like me shouldn't be even allowed to say the word „prayer".

Yet still we walk into the church. It is a little bit devastated, actually they are ruins of a church. That calms me down, even more. That's what places of cult deserve. To fall in ruin, not disappear, not stand in glory. Or maybe I'm just weird. I tell Kathy to think what she dreams of, what makes her feel good, what she needs and what is she grateful for. I call these four thoughts „the pillars of the first prayer". Then I show her, that some people want to kneel while praying, even though it is not so important.

„Usually, when you pray, you hold your hands like this… in some parts of the world there's also 'namaste' when you don't hold your hands together like here but the inner parts of your hands are touching one another tightly"

I know because I saw many relligions, heard many prayers.

Kathy stands still by me and prays. I could hear her whispers if I concentrated but this is her prayer and hers alone.

I go a step away, to see the flower that bloomed near the small pool of water. As I touch the water's surface, I can see ripples forming, yet the water hurts me. I hiss silently, seeing not beautiful mark left on the inner part of my palm. Some part of skin is a little bit darker and also, different in touch. It looked as if I spilled some kind of… maybe not acid but at least something very very hot on this hand. Hot oil maybe… I won't think of it now, well, a scar is a scar.

I put my hands together as if i wanted to pray, yet my mind… is somewhere else. I think of my lives, about prayers, if I prayed, even for myself, would The Monster hear it?

A deep male voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

„A-Aerith!?"

I turn around to see the blond swordsman standing in front of the church. I wonder, what'll happen next. He looks shocked! I can hear a voice calling.

„Cloud? What's wrong?"

The swordsman then runs to me, whole endless palletes of emotions painted on his face. Love, happines, disbelief, sorrow, anxiety…. Can't count them!

„Whaa… ah… you're not her." He says, disappointed „Of course not… Aerith is dead…"

„I'm sorry" I say, I don't know why.

„There's nothing to feel sorry for. By the way… I'm Cloud. Cloud Strife."

„Sin."

We shake hands in a polite manner. He then asks about Kathy.

„Oh… she is an orphan I take care of"

„Y-you take care of orphans? M-me, too!" he exclaims happily.

I laugh, genuinely.

„That's not a popular hobby, is it?"

Then a dark haired girl with a little girl by her side walks into the church. I ignore them, it's my time with a new… friend? Wait… Kadaj called him „brother". I'll need to check one thing.

„To you have any siblings, Cloud?"

„No. I am an only child. Why you ask?"

I shake my head, playing wit some stray hair.

„Just my curiosity"

„Okay, my turn… Where are you from? I mean, where were you born?|

That's a hard question, in fact. He won't know my story, not now… Please. So, he probably lied to me about no siblings, since I believe the silver haired men.

„Banora" I answer quickly, that's one name I actually remembered written somewhere here. I hope I didn't say anything stupid.

„Oh… is that so, fine." He then stared at me „Y-your eyes!" he gasped. „How'd you… I-I don't think women were in SOLDIER… Eh, how should I know, I ever really was one"

I take one step back… is this even going somewhere?

„Well, I wasn't in military either. But I have some experience with fighting, also soldiers, war… awful things. I don't like war… I prefer flowers. Like this one here."

He laughs, he's got a nice laugh.

„Well… I can see you have the same eyes as SOLDIERs, infused with Mako energy"

I am silent, as he does something… at least weird. Holding me up, he whispers „I'm the one who is sorry, you just… remind me so much of her" he then kisses me, his lips yearning, laying bittersweet promises on mine, I want to push him away yet I can't do a thing. So we kiss inthe middle of church's ruins, Kathy prays, dark haired girl with a child by her side are watching us. Time stops.

„Unsweetened tea" he says, probably about the tase of my lips „With a faint tase of mako"

Mako, mako… maybe that's what Eden is called here! I'm a fool for not thinking about it. If those SOLDIER have Eden… I have to become a SOLDIER!

I want to ask him more questions but then feel hellish pain… i can't speak or breathe, I'm paralyzed… I trip and feel I'm falling. The pool of water that hurt me is just behind my back.


	6. Chapter 5: Seeking the truth (2)

„Wake up" I can hear a voice, probably the Monster, calling out to me. She is somewhere near, I'd like to say but the truth is different. She is a part of me, she is the Eden that flows in my veins. She is in my mind, guiding me and taking to the places no one would even dream of. I have it all I have my half-immortality. Because no matter how many times I die, I return with all of my memories. When I fall asleep, I remember every single life. These memories fade when I am awake, so that I am not too confused in the world i live in.

Suddenly one of the memories flashes bright in my mind… not really a memory, more like a dream, that contains parts of my different lives.

„ _Professor!" I shriek, my voice no more childish, I run through the corridors, or rather I'd say it is a silver bridge I was on. It was wide enough to run, one could probably even fight on it, without worrying about falling down the abbyss. I mean, if one was careful of course. What scared me then, wasn't the fall itself but the abbyss underneath me, tiny lights of white, blue, green and a bit of golden are swirling in the air, keeping the area in the dim light. I can't tell how deep the Abbyss was, seems like a neverending fall as for me. The entire structure: bridge and sector blocks that were connected by this bridge, look like an underground city, I can see many sectors glowing far away. How huge this thing is…_

 _Somehow, I feel nervous. I have no idea what to do now, where to go. I close my eyes, tryng to think of… anything! No answer comes but it's not like I don't know how to think logically. I… I know how to escape from here, I have to know that. And a part of my memory is simply cut out, I can't reach it._

„ _Professor!" I shout once again. I'm scared! What did they do to me? Why can't I access my own memory? I run, not even knowing where, if I trurn left or right, it happens randomly, the bridge, or rather bridge system is like a fractal, neverending, repeating same sequences, not knowing. Eternal._

 _I can hear someone fighting. It is the monster, of course before she became what I call her now and… No… No way!_

„ _Eckart…" the Monster says „Don't. Make me. Do this. You are my friend!" she shouts._

 _He then spells out her name, repeats it with different tones. Finally he says what he means._

„ _You are wrong. I am not your friend."_

„ _Then WHAT are you, Eckart? If you reject everyone and everything, If you are left alone, who will be there to hear you? I. I am the only one who remained loyal to you. Don't you dare deny it or destroy it."_

 _He laughs, I'd reckognize his laughter anywhere and at any moment. It truly is Eckart._

„ _My dear, it is all over now. You heard The Message, right? We ALL heard it, at one moment the words were spoken and everyone heard them! The Prophecy of Onera, written in the Fifth chapter of Caraidan Covenant, it came true. The words are different, indeed yet the meaning is the same. Our Creation. Research. Annihilate. We are NOTHING, you hear me? NOTHING! We'll be used as energy sources, drained of the life force when needed. There's no Hope" he speaks her name out again „Nothing you ever known will remain. For YOU KNOW NOTHING!" he rushes towards her, pulling his weapon out. The Monster blocks him without trying._

„ _You are insane. Please, Eckart, OPEN YOUR EYES! We cannot trust THEM!"_

 _The fight begins, I can do nothing but stand and stare at their perfect movements. Eventually, Monster forces Eckart to back down. He surrenders, takes a few steps back, before falling down into the Abbyss…_

„ _NOOO!" she tries to catch him but it is too late. I can see her, broken, depressed. There is no one left in this world for her._

 _She then looks at me, her eyes so… sane. Sad. Full of emotion. Slowly she gets up and walks towards me. I stand helpless, as she points Fallaire at me, ready to kill if needed. Yes, I a afraid but in the last moment, she turns the blade with one easy flip, now i can take the rapier…. I can kill her. Yes, I desire her death, even now I want to pierce her heart and make its beating stop! But before I can even react, she eludes the unmoving blade and gently embraces me. I can feel her teardrops on my bare shoulder._

„ _I lost everything… Everything i dreamed of, everything I've ever hoped for, the good name of my family is gone. All because of this petite creature" She lets go of me, to stare in my eyes. Her long fingers lift my chin up. „Disaster, Catastrophe, Calamity… so many words to describe the Ultimate Sin of our entire race." She leaves me, as I stand in shock._

 _I am…_

… _The Sin of Immortality. As described in Caraidan Covenant, book four._

 _Later, „THEY" arrived. To destroy our planet, to drain the life force out of us all._

More pictures flash in my mind:b _a small town, all in flames. The Monster sitting on a cliff, watching the disaster._

„ _Here. That is the good place for you…" I watch her tear out a page from a book. The description of Immortality, The Ultimate Sin, as the piece of paper is consumed by the flames, they start to die. „Everything will change. You'll see…" she then whispered a name, long forgotten. It was… the Name I got before I became Sin._

 _She wanted me… to come._

 _She prophesized my arrival, no, she chose the place for me to arrive to._

 _I see Eckart's face._

„Triator" I whisper, opening my eyes to see the blonde swordsman „You… are the Triator…."

He looks at me, surprised „W-what are you even talking about!?"

I can't move, I hardly even breathe, I can feel something rushing through my veins, healing me. Eden…

Then a black haired woman walks in with Kathy, I smile, seeing the girl's not even ginger but almost literally red hair with golden-orange highlights, so bright in this grey and sad world. I brush my long, no longer braided, auburn hair.

„Maybe from distance she may be similar to Aeris but seriously, Cloud, to mistake these two? Hmm… okay, it WAS possible, you proved it. But anyway… You can't just kiss strangers because they look like someone you loved in the past" she chuckled.

Now I remember what happened before I fainted, why do I need Eden this much here? At this rate I'll run out of drug in no time…

„I hope that at least it will be safe to say that we both quite enjoyed it" I smirk „Though she is right, kissing srtangers because they look similar to your ex-girlfriend? I'm not familiar with that kind of behaviour."

I notice a slight blush of emberrassment on the swordsman's cheeks, it makes me wanna chuckle.

„Nothing bad happened, by the way, I'm Sin" I extend my arm to shake hands with him.

„Sin?" he repeats.

Yeah, I think, like Lust, Wrath, Pride… a sin. That's what they are called… I was named after them, because that's what I am. No one could ever change that.

„M-hm." I nod slightly.

„Kathy" the black haired woman says „What was the… thing you gave to your friend? May I know?"

It is a quick game, Kathy casts a glance at me, I then respond to the black haired woman, she stares at me, not really understanding, I exchange glances with Kathy just to say to the woman:

„Medicine. Eden's its name" I take the jewellery box and show the pills to her and the blonde swordsman.

„This colour…" he then whispers „Lifestream green…. I'd reckognise it anywhere!" he stands up, rapidly, his breath slightly quicker… the black-haired woman then looks at me then at the swordsman.

„Cloud" she says „You're acting weird, what's wrong with you?"

We stare each other in the eyes, Cloud and me, it is just a short while. He wants to make sure, that I am not the one he loved. I couldn't be… Even if I wanted. I think of how Kadaj called Cloud his brother, how Cloud was supposed to 'betray' them. If I am natural enemies with the Silver Haired Men, am I a natural enemy to their brother, too? Or if he betrayed them, is he my friend, my ally?

Then everything gets kinda hazy, I'm not sure about what happened for sure or what was a dream… no, that wasn't a dream. It really happened but my mind wasn't here, not really. I was like a puppet, I felt it. But not monster's puppet, it was this creature, the head… or its cells somewhere here.

It guides me to take Eden and crush two pills to the form of powder, then mix it with the water from the church which Kathy had with her. After that, the creature or its part leads me to the room where one like seven year old boy is sleeping. No, he is actually half-asleep, half delirious because of the wound on his head. Rotting wound, like the one that was on the swordsman's arm. Controlled, I apply the ceam-like mixture to the wound and put the bandage on, then the black-haired woman asks me.

„Will it… help him?"

„He is still alive… it should do something although I'm not sure about the eff-" then, the blonde swordsman interrupts me, almost yelling

„What do you mean by 'not sure'!?"

„Cloud, don't yell" yells the black-haired woman

„Please, let me finish!" I say „It may help or leave him like he is, considering the healing properties of Eden… I tried to cure one geostigma-suffering person with it but… it was too late. Applied moments after he stopped breathing… but Denzel, he is still alive, Eden may work"

I can see Cloud calming down, then I smile softly. I don't want him to become my enemy, I'll meet them on my way, this is sure… I want to make sure that I have allies by my side, too. Because I rarely ever get a chance for alliances, especially moments after I arrive to the new world. Remember, it's been just two days… You will succeed this time, Sin.

„And… I am sorry for what happened in the church, I mean… pink dress, crimson jacket, auburn, braided hair… and those lifestream green eyes… You're so much like her. Although there is one thing, different, you seem soft and sweet at the first glance but the way you… feel, the taste, unsweetened tea with a bit of mako… that's the thing that made me sure that you are not Aerith"

I examine him with my eyes, there surely is something that makes the conversation between us way harder than it should be. Weird… as for me this feelin

„M-hm… Could you tell me more about her, Cloud? If you want to, of course… I don't want to force you, just… To know who was I mistaken for. What was Aerith like?"

Cloud doesn't want to talk, I think. I can't force anything on anyone, all I can do is wait for the answer.

„She was beautiful… all soft and sweet, spending days in her church, taking care of flowers"

„Lucky her… I wish, I relly wish I could exchange places with her, just for some time… I'd love to settle down, have a garden maybe? But it is impossible, I yearn to fight, itall gets all harder now that i have to take care of Kathy. I can't live without fighting yet i want to settle down and get rid of all the burden-"

„Zuruzuru, Zuruzuru" he interrupts me „You are dragging this burden after you… I know what you are going through, trust me" he took my hand rapidly and squeezed it.

„Oh you two are so adorable together… And yeah, You kinda look like Aerith when you have Cloud with you, Sin"

I let out a chuckle, things are getting interesting. But I have one more thing to do here, i need to know if Eden is here… in any form. As I can see, I can't really ask about this mako thing or how they call it, since it seems to be something… well, well-known around here. I'll get to know, in time. Everything will work itself out, in time…

I ask Tifa, for this is black-haired woman's name, about this medicine or anything similar. Unfortunately, this is the first time she sees such medicine as my drug.

„Well, then the trip here didn't give me much. I'll be going."

„Where" Cloud and Tifa ask at the same moment.

„I… I don't really know. Home, probably?"

„If you mean Banora then I'll have to worry, or remind you. The town of Banora was destroyed about… seven, maybe eight years ago? By ShinRa's air attack."

I look at him, maybe shocked, maybe interested, from what I got to know when I arrived, ShinRa was an electric power company, why would they do something like that?

„Sin was a researcher, she was living in a laboratory for long years"

„Rather a research then researcher" I murmur under my breath, that's what it sounded like. And according to my memories, I was a research. A research on Immortality, maybe. Fuck it.

Cloud looks at me as if he heard what i was talking about. I have to fix it, somehow. Or else, I'll just mess thing up as I always do. I always do this the best.

„I meant, home where I now live with Kathy. I have no better place to go, right?"

„About this research…" Tifa starts

„Later. I'll visit you." I take Kathy's hand as she looks at me surprised. I just calm her down with my eyes, It is not safe to stay here, until I manage to get some knowledge about this world.

„Okay, sorry" she apologizes „Stay for dinner at least…"

I cast a quick glance at Kathy.

„Yes… I want to"

„Alright, we can stay here for dinner."

I have to admit, my cooking is nowhere near to this here, maybe I could really settle down, have a garden full of plants and learn recipes, become a mother-figure for Kathy, it would be good, I'd love a life like this. But this world is not meant for such things, and I have limited Eden sources.

During the dinner we talk about lots of things, I learn quickly from listening to Tifa, Cloud, Kathy and her new friend Marlene. I learn that lifestream was 'a river of life' flowing around the planet and was said to gather the souls of the dead, yet when the meteor was summoned, the planet used lifestream as shield, or a weapon rather and it turned against the life on the planet, causing Geostigma. Or so the people believe, another theory is thatwhat causes geostigma are the cells of Sephiroth.

„Sephiroth!?" I repeat automatically.

„You… you knew him?" Cloud then asks.

„No… just, this name is somewhere in my mind… I can't recall him but I know I heard of him, knew him personally even. Maybe." I massage my temples, as pain flows through my veins, my brain, I don't know what is happening! I want to… to know the truth, to know what happened! Why was this town I said i come from, Banora, destroyed!? Why am I feeling pain when I think of it!? After a while I let my arms fall limply to my sides and take a few deep breaths to compose myself.

„Is everything… alright?" Cloud asks

„Yeah… just slight… overdose… of Eden" I pant, feeling tired, worn out, I am… I am too close to him, or to anything that contains the cells of this head… „I'll be fine just have to wait a bit. It happened lots of times and is not as dangerous as it looks or sounds"

I smile, I want him to think that I'm alright. We spend a moment in silence, not even casting a glance at one another and after a while, Tifa walks in.

„Wait, you said you come from Banora, right?" she asks me „I've got something for you" She leads me and Cloud to the kitchen, where she reaches up to the cupboard and takes one bottle of some… wine? Juice rather, then pours it to the glasses and closes the bottle carefully.

„You won't get it anywhere nowadays, and I bet it'll bring some good memories as well. Banora White juice, the trademark of your hometown." She smiles „I was saving that for a special occasion but I think this is special enough" she raises her glass „Cheers. For the better days"

„For the better days" I repeat, then cast a quick glance at Cloud. I hope that everything will be okay, maybe I'll get a new ally even. I've arrived to a world where I can finally get allies. Where I can be myself and find someone who may help me in my journey. Just this life…

I take a sip of the juice, hoping for experience of something completely new but… this taste, it is so familliar! Like home, like a life without worries. I see it like a hazy dream, three friends, sky full of stars, days and evenings spent on reciting poetry, reading, taking care of plants and talking, just to talk. I cen hear somebody's laughter, I yearn to be there… A few hazy images flash in my mind, I wanna… go there, no matter what, there has to be something…

„Is it good?" Cloud asks

„Yes… tastes like home, childhood… all the nostalgia just came back to me. Thank you, it's so good to taste it once again"

After the dinner is finished I feel almost like in heaven, the food was a masterpiece compared to what I prepared for supper the day before. I talk to Cloud and Tifa and Kathy plays with Marlene in the other room, I learn even more about this world, good. Very good.

„Can't even stand looking at you in this pink dress" Cloud says „Wait… Wait, I have an idea! Tifa, say I'm going crazy but…" he stands up and walks away. I'm… confused…

„He is not his usual self, I tell you that" Tifa says „What's going on with him!?"

„You're asking me? I wish I could help but there's nothing I could possibly do. I'm just a guest here"

„Sure thing."

Another moment of silence – interrupted just by the quiet laughter of the girls, so nice and peaceful, a glimmer of hope in this dying world – passes. Eden rushes through my veins, reminding me of my destiny, some more memories flash in my mind. Then, Cloud walks in. He is holding some old clothes.

„They may be a little bit too loose but… just try them on. Please?"

„Cloud" Tifa says with a strong voice. Is it… something bad? I don't know, I just go to one room and change into the clothes. The outfit is pretty worn-out and looks like a military uniform, sleeveless shirt, a belt and dark, loose trousers, also heavy duty boots and a shoulder pauldron. I just leave the last part of this uniform, not feeling like wearing it. When I show myself to Cloud and Tifa, she hits him hard on the back of his head.

„Moron!"

I chuckle but have to admit that I am fond of this outfit, there's something in it that makes me think that this is how I should look like. For I am a soldier, in my own war. I can see that Cloud is very happy because of seeing me in this outfit, even if his gentle half-smile doesn't say it, the eyes… there's so much emotion in his eyes.

I see a set of swords put int one, something tells me its name, The Fusion Swords. They are all resting in my hand, how, why?

„Okay, without these swords but… yeah, it looks pretty fine on you. I don't think there were any women in SOLDIER but… I wasn't really a part of them, too"

„I see… hey, you said about my eyes…"

„..Mako infused. This blueish sheen says it all, also, their lifestream-green hue… yeah, if I didn't know you as well as I do now, if I didn't give this uniform to you, I'd say you were a human-Cetra hybrid who was a part of SOLDIER. But the Cetra are all gone…"

„I'm sorry. For them, for your loss, your guilt. I wish I could do something but the past is in the past and we can do nothing about it. We have to go on, every single one of us. You have to get your mind off things, Cloud. How about a duel?"

He looks at me surprised, so I repeat „A duel, one versus one. First blood, first open wound ends the match" I smile, I want to fight him, now. Fight anyone!

After a short walk, we left the city streets, Midgar is its name as I learned so far. I purchase a cheap weapon there, a rusty rapier.

„Why did you buy it? I mean, you have a better one, with you." Cloud notices

„Fallaire is not the blade meant for fighting, unless there is no other way. It is a symbol, a memento of someone… somehow dear to me."

„Sounds familliar, _too_ familiar" he says, stopping in front of a bandaged blade. I know it, too… Could I… fail in one of my lives? Could it be that I was sent back here? To finish my mission, destroy this world?

„This sword…" I say, looking at it. „I'm sure I saw it! Way back when… when I still lived in Banora" I say. Why!? Why do I say things like that!? Maybe… I am not really myself? What the hell is going on here? All I know about Banora is that it was a village somewhere in this world, that it was destroyed by ShinRa's air attack and that it was famous for that delicious juice.

„Possible. It belonged to my friend… he was a SOLDIER"

„Was he from Banora? Maybe I knew him as well?"

„No, from a village called Gongaga"

I nod slightly „So he was on a military mission there, maybe" I say, looking at the sky, so blue, so distant… beautiful…

Once more I lose control, as we walk further and then fight. He says I fight like a real first-class SOLDIER. I don't even know what is happening, I am a puppet in Monster's hands, I know it. It is all unreal, so unreal. I lose to him, and then we walk home, dusk is slowly falling as my wound is healed by Eden. Cloud seems intereted in it, so I tell him this and that.

We pass the house where Kathy lives, I see Kadaj looking through the window. I blink to him and smile just to see burning betrayal in his eyes. Clous seems to notice this and asks:

„Everything's… fine?" He looks towards the window, Kadaj's no longer there

„Ehh, I left the lights on!" I say „Well, nevermind. Let's go, I'll take Kathy home."

He stares me in the eye, as if he wanted to know if everything was fine, as if he wanted to make sure that I was not lying. The fact that I was so close to the head, AND him… it was too much.

„Let's get going."

He seems to notice that I don't feel really good and leads me towards Seventh Heaven. My wound has already healed, the night is pleasant here. We walk slowly, not hurrying much, just enjoying this time together.

„Thank you, Cloud. For this afternoon and evening. And the duel, it was all… awesome."

„Nothing special, a date maybe would be but a duel? Please… It had no meaning for me, you… you're not her."

I nod slightly, yeah, I'm not Aerith. And I will never be even close to her. I am nothing more than… No, I don't wanna even think of it. Not now that I'm having such a wonderful time with Cloud, not now that I feel as if I was free from Eden. I wonder, could Cloud really have the cells of that creature? I wanted to connect the facts, if he was taking care of the Orphans, Marlene and Denzel, maybe… his will to help Denzel somehow forced me to do something against my will? But then… no, no, no, no, no… that'd be somewhat… creepy as for me? No-Thank-You!

We finally reach the Seventh Heaven

„Thank you once again, Cloud. For… everything. Begginning from the kiss and ending right here. Thank you…"

„N-No problem, Sin. Go take Kathy home, our „walk" lasted like 8 hours in total, It is almost midnight"

„Did it feel… good to waste a day? On me?"

„Absolutely"

After that, Tifa informs us that all the children are asleep, I take Kathy from the couch and carry her home. It feels good, to know that I can keep her safe, take care of her. Maybe I could even become a mother-figure for her? Yes, I want that, and I think that I could maybe believe it so that it could come true.

Almost.

Kathy is sleeping peacefully in my arms, I feel some kind of… strange connection between us. Asmost as if I wanted to be close to her, like a mother is to her children, yet still… My past, that is what makes it impossible, all my lives I spent as a killer, a murderer, mere drug addict who doesn't know her own limits. I want to change that, take care of Kathy… but I am afraid that my actions will lead to something terrible, that she'll get hurt because of me. I don't want it… I don't want it… I try not to cry as I see her little smile, peaceful expressions. I finally reach home, not just an ordinary house, this is my home. Oh, how long… I can't recall what was the last time I had a home, in any of my lives. Or even a hometown… But it doesn't matter now, I'm here, in Midgar, and this is my home. It belongs to all of us, Me, Kathy, Kadaj, Loz and Yazoo. Nothing will ever change this from now on.

Yazoo opens the door and smiles politely, then takes a closer look at me.

„Is that… SOLDIER First Class uniform!?"

I take a glance at my new outfit.

„Yeah" I say „I guess. I got it from the guy who found me after I lost conscioussness"

„What, wait, go in and tell me about it!"

I enter the house and head to Kathy's bedroom, then put her in her bed and cover her with a blanket. She is a glimmer of hope in this life for me. And it's only been like two days…

I sit with Yazoo in the living room and we talk for a while, he is really nice and polite. I like spending time with him, really. He asked me for everything from the moment I and Kathy went out for a walk.

„I was just… worried about you. I wanted to come out and look for you but… I just know I couldn't"

„Why?" I ask.

„Well, since you live here like we do, you surely know about Geostigma. Some people blame Mother for this illness… And it is not like that, not at all… Mother… she would make everything alright!"

I connect the facts once again, Tifa said that they were Sephiroth's cells… ah, right, they were Sephiroth's brothers. It makes sense… Yazoo continuead to talk, sharing his knowledge with me. How much one can learn by just listening to others… I learned that the people in Midgar hate them because they wanted the people who were suffering because of Geostigma to join thr Reunion with Mother. In Yazoo's opinion, she could even cure people of this illness, that people's hatred towards Mother caused more harm than Geostigma itself, that even if Mother's cells had something to do with this illness it was the hatred in people's hearts that created the illness. They loathed Mother, and her pain caused the illness. That's what Yazoo believed.

And I wanted to believe it as well, it... made sense.

„So, the Reunion failed, hm? But your Mother…"

„She _is_ alive. People… they were fools for thinking that they could kill Mother that easily!" he almost shouted, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

„I know she is alive… And if you are too weak, I'll even carry the Reunion out for you. We'll do this together, Yazoo. I'm not leaving you, and you stay with me. You, Kadaj, Loz… You hear me?"

Suddenly another voice joined in „Yes, we hear you. But don't you dare thinking that you can allure us into some false alliance!"

Kadaj.

„I am willing to help you. Trust me."

„Why would we? Why should we? What do you want in exchange?"

„I trust you. And Mother. I want to join the Reunion, that's all."

He death glares at me and walks away, towards where the head is. What is he after, really? I saved him, I didn't destroy his Mother's head, even though I could. All I want is to be close to them, to make them happy, to take care of Kathy. If Mother can make everything alright, I want to live in this world. I want everythin to be alright.

It is really late, soon I'll call it early. But I don't feel like I need sleep now, just take one Eden pill and swallow it with disgust on my face

All I could come up with was reading LOVELESS, and, strangely, as I read on, I realized it is as familiar as that bandaged sword and Banora White Juice. What the hell?

I finished this not very long book as sun began to rise.

Even though I felt Eden's influence, I heard the Monster's voice.

„ _The history… repeats again…"_

I saw the green light, surrounding me once again, like in the first dream I had in this house, I saw some figures, kinda familliar.

I didn't know what to do, pain was too much.

„Sin… Sin, wake up!"

No.

„Sin…"

Once again I saw the flames. It was not my home planet that was burning. It looked like a small village rather. I saw the Monster standing there. Only a small wall of flames was seperating us, she was smiling, holding Fallaire in her hand.

„ _You are my greatest sin… my dishonor"_

„Shut up! I'm warning you…"

She didn't even move. I hated her, hated her so much… I wanted to kill her, I knew we were standinf in a scene of much tragedy, I was the reason. She was only the one who had this reason.

„ _Why do you do this …"_ then she called my… real name _„The history repeats itself over and over again, all because of you. You could not even kill him"_

Then I saw a face of a man… so familiar, slightly messy auburn hair, pride in his eyes, and the smile only he could make.

„Sin!"

„ _This is your last chance… Destroy her"_

Now the head of the creature appeared before my eyes. There was someone with long silver hair and a Katana by his side. Sephiroth.

„ _Annihilate him. Before it is too late"_

She showed me the triplets.

„Sin, dammit!"

„ _And regain what was once yours"_

The last picture was shocking but somehow… relieving. I saw my own dead body, slight smile on my features… There was no rebirth, no struggle. Not even a bit of Eden left in that body.

Beautiful… but I didn't know the cost… I destroyed so many worlds, lost so many loved ones, fellow soldiers, protégés and friends. The price of death… it was too high. I could never pay it, so my penance continued. I will die and be re-born until I atone for the sin of Immortality. I don't want to take anything for granted, I don't want to be Monster's lapdog.

„Go fuck yourself" I answer her, as the green life envelops me. I see Mother, as the triplets call her and smile. I am not the Monster's slave. I am…

„Sin!" someone shakes me, and the beautiful scene disappears. „Sin!"

I open my eyes to see Kadaj.

„What?" I see the living room, all covered in blood, Loz is holding Kathy in his arms.

In my hand… a black feather…


	7. Chapter 6: Times of Change

p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Forget what was Tomorrow, Believe in Yesterday. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"A/N: I'm still alive! But work has been keeping me busy. I will update the story once or twice a month I promise! Also, I had a change of mind, so this is the last "No, no it's not like that, the character wakes up" chapter. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Also, on Wattpad I will be writing Sin's story as a separate, not fanfic online novel. My Wattpad nickname is Helsaric, please enjoy the story. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"And to you who were asking: /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Yes, there will be 'fluffy' romance between Kadaj and Sin. But it won't be the main theme, so I will concentrate more on action and character development throughout the story rather than plotless fluffy fillers. I'm not experienced in such stories, at least I think so. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Yes, Sin's homeworld in the novel was indeed destroyed, yet the cause was not known. She does think it could be Jenova though. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Chapter VI: Times of Change/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I am such a fool… /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Room… it's all in blood. Loz. Kathy. Yazoo. Kadaj. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"As I caress the black feather in my hand, it turns into a card. Unnumbered card of a fool. The fool is me. Streets had turned into crimson rivers of blood: fire was reflected in the surfaces. I was a fool to let that happen, my heart is beating fast, I can sense it all, the pain, the fear. As I feel the anxiety swell up inside of me, I rub my thumb over the card, now depicting that fucking traitor Eckart as the fool, as it reveals its true nature. The one card we shared, share and will share until the end, the Tower. Why the hell… /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The vision changes, once more./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Could it be… /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"My first life? Again?/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Some years before unknown force – be it this Jenova thing or anything else –span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spancame and destroyed my homeworld… On the first day of the month of Towers, I was born. A team of scientists were talking in the room about some 'exploitation', 'nexus', 'synergy'… /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"And a calming voice… like a choir, singing. /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"All the voices, as if entire planet united in one chant. Hive mind. Perfect Unity. /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The month of Towers, it has always been peculiar, very little children were born then. The Zodiac Sign of Great Emissary did watch over us, children of the Towers. /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"A person appeared before me, her ashen blonde hair tied in a low, slightly messy bun. Her once sky-blue eyes now glistened with Eden's glow. /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Jashe… /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"My sister… /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I wanted to embrace her, to tell her how much I missed her. She was not reborn with me, Eckart took her place. That guy I must have fallen for so hard that I forgot about everything else. My family, my life. Jashe was born during the month of Towers, too… /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Then, she spoke:/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"'Oh… my dear sister…' a black mass emerges from behind the wall of green light, enveloping Jashe, devouring her… /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"No…/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"'Farewell… dear sister…'/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;" /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I'm immobilized. I can't breathe. My body is stiff, rigid, as if most tender frost covered it as a frail illusion, just to harden into a crystal coffin as it was done. I… can't… no more… /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Jashe!" I wake up with a gasp, and quickly collapse back on the bed. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Who is 'Jashe'?" a gentle voice asks. I turn to see Yazoo tending me. There is a bowl of water, he has a towel in his hand. I see him twist this towel in his hands and then put it on my forehead… I frown. Why would he do such a thing?/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Your fever seems to drop, but if I were you, I would not leave the bed"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I see… it has to be fever but this one is not Eden-related. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Where's…" I do not get to finish the sentence, I see Loz carrying Kathy piggyback outside, as she is laughing. They are running through dirty but not filled with blood streets of Midgar. I must've had a nightmare. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Nightmares, fever, I need Eden as soon as possible. No. I need to spare it. This sickness is not Eden-related it just can't be. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""What… happened…?" I say, suddenly feeling weak. You won't give into this, Sin. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You're sick. You collapsed. Kathy slept on the couch, she wanted you to be comfortable."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I have all but forgotten how does one feel when illness strikes. You become weak, vulnerable, you need to depend on others. Last time that happened, Eckart was taking care of me. But now, I do not want to show my weakness to anybody, weakness means that you are a prey and there is no prey if there are no predators. Then again if you are the prey, that means the predator will hunt you down. You will die. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I want to die. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"But not now. Please, not now… there are several more things I need. It has been a long time. I see the clock on the wall and how the seconds are passing. They are short enough, so let's say if those seconds really last one second each, so even with 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day and 365 ¼ days in a year, it should have been at least 300 years since I was last 'sick' in any way other than eden-related. Eden is meant to stop biological aging and protect the infected unit from any other illnesses. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Sin? What are you thinking about?" he asks, gently stroking my hair "You do look sad. Who is this 'Jashe' person you spoke about?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I close my eyes and feel something unpleasantly wet on my face. It is not rain, we are indoors. So why? /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Sin!? You… don't need to tell me… if you don't want to. I did not want to make you cry."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Cry!? What? no! I am not… I'm not crying! It can't be… I keep lying to myself as Yazoo wipes the tears off my face. I don't want him to see me like that. In all my past lives, Eckart was the only person who… understood. He was like me. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Jashe, she…" here I start coughing and I cough and cough… when my fit ends, I take a deep breath./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""She was my sister." I whisper, feeling like crying. "My dear sister…"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Yazoo just nods and puts the wet cold towel on my forehead. I am the Monster's best warrior, could it really be that I am defeated by any cold or flu?! Oh, no!/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Yazoo just sits there and takes care of me until I fall asleep. Again. This is a wheel that is spinning, round and round and once again. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Two voices. Male and female. I know both of them. /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"'Professor… Please, save her.' /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"'Listen ma'am, this child is dying, we have not developed the medicine yet. We cannot risk it all just because she was born in the Month of Towers, this is ridiculous…'/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"'She is special'/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"'No. She is just a child…'/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"'You said the same thing about Jashe.' /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Silence./span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"'Please! I swear on Caraidan covenant! I will do anything!'/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Another voice joins/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"'Auntie? Is she okay'/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"'No, Eckart… please leave. Auntie is talking to doctor now.'/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"'Why fool him?' doctor/professor shouts 'Shall he never know his best friend is dying'/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Then a quarrel began. Eckart, the Monster from the times of her Sanity and this Professor./span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I then saw her yet again. The one who did not let me die the first time. Motherly smile on her façade, her arms open. She was clad in fine robes, resembling those of Divines painted on sacred canvases. Why? Why was she like that now? Why were her arms open? Why was she calling my real name as if I was…/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"…her daughter. /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;" /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I open my eyes once again to see Kadaj tending me now. He is frowning upon me, with a sad expression. He is still wearing the bandage although his wound should have closed some time ago. He is holding something, a spoon with syrup. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Drink this." He says, holding the spoon near my lips. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I need a good excuse. Other medicine somehow interfering Eden's work? Yes, sounds good. I refuse to drink like a stubborn child. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Sin" he sighs "Please, it will help you."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Why do you care? Give me em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"my/em medicine if you want to help" I say, barely opening my lips./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I can see his irritation. Oh, well. Never have I ever allowed anyone apart from Eckart to tend me and care for me. And I would like it to stay this way./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""In that case… you leave me no choice" he puts the spoon to his lips and drinks the syrup but does not gulp it down. Moron. I won't get better if he drinks this syrup, even if we both have taken Eden…/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Something interrupts my thoughts. Something silky and warm, and it does not take me long to realize: a kiss. This is a shock for me. No, Sin, don't let em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"anyone/em in. This… no, just no. I can't. I cannot simply allow someone to take Eckart's place, even if there was no real love, I don't want to involve anyone else. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Kadaj's kiss was an opportunity for him to give medicine to me. It tastes sweet, a little bit too sweet for me. I gulp it down and push him away. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Ah! What was that for? I wanted to help you, since you appeared too weak to even drink it on your own" he teases, with a mocking smirk on his pretty face. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You think you can take advantage of me just because I am sick? Then you are wro-"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""But you wouldn't mind it if Older Brother did that, would you?! Never mind… you are delirious… you won't even remember this… rest, Sin."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"What?! How did he know about what Cloud did?! Was he spying on me...? Thoughts rush through my head and I notice my heartbeat get faster. Why? I can't possibly know… /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""K-Kadaj! W-wait!" I say but he is gone. I shiver, not knowing why. Maybe I am cold, maybe it is something different. I can just lie down with a wet towel on my head. I don't know what has gotten into him. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The Monster… now appearing before me like a divine mother… /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Jashe's voice. /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"'My dear sister… I know that you are strong enough. You /span/emspan lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"can em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"snap out of it. Please, be strong sister. As long as I have you, I am not afraid anymore…'she then called my /emreal em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"name 'please… dear sister…'/em/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"In the middle of the night, I wake up, shivering because of the cold. Kadaj is holding several blankets in his hands. Did he… bring them for me? /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I'm taking them. Your fever was going up again. Didn't Yazoo tell you that you only should use one blanket if you want to keep the fever low?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""But I'm cold!" I cry and wrap one last blanket around my body, as if I was afraid that he will take this one, too. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""No, you're not. You just em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"think/em that you are cold and these are two different things"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Yeah, right. Go on, tell me what I know and tell me what I feel. Maybe you will also decide when I can take Eden, huh? /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Moron." I mumble, turning my back on him and tossing the wet towel off. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Oh, who is the moron here?" I can hear his soft, teasing voice "I did not try and overdo everything just to get sick in the end. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"And I don't/em kiss strangers."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Liar. I am a stranger to you. You don't know me. We just… we just happen to live under the same roof… 's nothin'…" I still refuse to look at him, even though minutes pass mercilessly. What the hell is he thinking? Even though I can feel his soft hands, long fingers stroking my messy hair, taking loose bangs away from my sweaty forehead. No, I will not fall for him. I… I just can't. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Sin." He whispers "Why did you do this?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Hmm?" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Why did you save us, Mother, why did you decide to take care of us, complete strangers? Even though you seem to be Older Brother's friend, you help us, too… who are you? What are you?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I pretend to be asleep. I wish I knew those answers as well. Kadaj still strokes me, gently… it is nice. Feels good. The stroking suddenly stops and I open my eyes. Kadaj stands up and walks towards the kitchen. In the moonlight falling through the window I notice how skinny he is! Or maybe he appears so wearing that loose T-shirt and trousers held with a belt so tightly, that another hole had to be made in it so that it could be of use. In Kathy's brother's clothes, he looks like a man who shrunk slightly during the night and is slowly becoming too small for his own clothes. Kadaj… gentle caretaker, mysterious ally… or maybe not?/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Soon, he comes back, with a cup of hot tea./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""It surely is cold here… I had to close the window" he hands the cup to me. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The tea is unsweetened. I suddenly remember Cloud's words… Mako… mako, mako… could this be the name for my medicine? I take tiny sips, holding the cup in two hands./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Adorable." Kadaj says. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Huh?!" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You look adorable, Sin. Don't mind me, you won't remember it once you get back to health… and to Older Brother" is it just me or did his voice just start breaking? /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I finish my cup of tea, in silence. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Why the sudden chance of mind? You were harsh on me last time, thought I wanted to allure you into fake alliance."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I don't trust you. That's all. But we all need some kind of… affection. Since you are sick, it does not matter to you."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I feel hurt by his words. Why, oh, why does he not believe me?/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Am I… insane?" he asks, almost crying "I don't know how to carry out the Reunion, if I knew, it would not fail like that… Older Brother, why could he not understand? Mother… why did she leave us?" I notice tears on his cheeks./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Kadaj, you are not the only orphan here. Kathy… and I, we are, too. I don't even remember my mother and because I could not cope with it, I lost my sister. And I blame no one but myself. I wish we could be reunited one day… but I trust you. Be it because of fever or anything else…" another coughing fit gets me. Kadaj brings out the syrup. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Can you drink it alone?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I don't answer./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Even though syrup is the lamest excuse for a kiss, it is good enough for me. Kadaj reminds me of Eckart, he fills in the space Eckart left after he took the damage from explosion./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"We kiss. And forget about the whole world. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"His lips are silky and gentle, his skin appears cold. I can feel the heat of my own fever, lack of drug and my irregular heartbeat. Kadaj embraces me, I hold on to him for dear life. I'm delirious, maybe we both are./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"A quiet gasp interrupts us, and as Kathy stands in the room with her jaw dropped, I forget about all the 'motherly' feelings I had for her and remember why I hated children so much./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;" /p 


End file.
